The Lure of Gadgets and Video Games

I still get surprised to hear other parents complaining about how it's been difficult to get their kids off from devices. Some even said that they'd wish that these gadgets/ video games weren't invented.

I always thought that the answer's simple. Keep the devices away from the kids. If you let them play, then give a time limit. Also, the games/ activities should be age appropriate. Alan would often find a game where two people can play together. That way the kids are forced into working together, and figuring out the game together.

I didn't really pay much attention with the Pokemon Nintendo 2Ds. Turns out, it has a lot of tools that enables a child to be creative: making short videos, doodling on a photo, making animation, etc. Of course Alan already knew that hence he was so keen on getting it for the kids back then.

It does require effort from parents to learn what's out there to ensure that what you're giving your child is something that you can actually manage. I think it poses as a risk if you just give them all these devices/ access to the software/ sites without filtering. Kids do get carried away with whatever is the latest hype on devices and games at school. There's nothing wrong with not always giving into the hype. But we do make an effort to understand what it is that they're talking about. Then Alan evaluates whether it's worth giving it a go.

When Max was asking permission to play Fortnite, I was impressed with how he handled my version of no. I told him that it's not age appropriate and that he might end up addicted to the game. After clarifying what addiction means, he said it's not the only game that he will play anyway. He just wants to give it a go and play with his friends, but not all the time. He made it clear that he will practise restraint.

Now that's definitely a mature response than just insisting on wanting to play.

I'm not a gamer but Alan is. I don't see the point of spending for these gadgets/ software. I am old school so it will take a lot of convincing for me to agree on spending money on these things. My priorities are obviously different. But it's good to have Alan there filtering out these things for the family. At least the kids are not behind on their awareness of what technology offers. They're currently enjoying a balance of real and virtual play.

Hugs, Cuddles and Kisses

This morning I woke up a bit late. Seeing that I was still in bed, Rose went straight to our room, landed on top of me and said "Good morning Mommy!" It's mid-week and she knows that we all need to get ready for school/ work soon. When I asked her to fix her bed as I was getting up, she said ok and left.

Weekend mornings are wonderful especially if we are sleeping in. As the soccer season is over, and the kids' swimming is not until ten in the morning, I can actually stay in bed. That also means Alan, stays in bed, then the kids would one by one start to find (or make!) some space for themselves on our bed. Rose loves to wrap her arm around us. Max likes to cuddle next to me. We have a queen size bed and so far, we all still manage to fit by not moving much. There'd be some tickling that comes after, and lots of giggles, to roaring laughs. All these while we all start getting hungry and me hoping that Alan would get up first to get breakfast going.

We haven't really practised "Mano po" with our kids. It's the act of the child, holding your hand and putting it on his/her forehead. But everyday, I do get a hug and kiss from the kids whenever they're ready to leave for school in the morning. And the same hug and kiss, or it could be a longer hug and lots of kisses at night before going to bed. I do feel bad if they don't do this with me on either occasion. The kids feel bad too so even if they're upset from an argument with me, or from being told off, the hug really eases the tension. And the kiss helps the tears go away.

When I come home feeling tired, I sit on the couch and prop my feet up. And whether I decide to turn the TV on or just stare blankly out on the open, the kids will, little by little, find themselves within a very close proximity. Often they'd be reading a book. They like sitting next to me, wrapping themselves with the throw that I have on when I have the TV turned on. And it's as if I don't care enough if I shoo them away, or not make room for them.

I used to get overwhelmed with all these touchy, feely stuff my kids naturally provide. But now I've gotten used to it to the point that I start noticing them growing out of this little by little. I suppose naturally, the kids will want to be on their own, and probably not need that many hugs and cuddles and kisses  from Mom.

But for now, I am really savouring it. I love their hugs, and cuddles and kisses!

My Kiwi Kids

When I brought Rose to her friend’s house for a birthday party, she ran straight in and followed a couple of other excited kids who were running around the house, exploring the place. The Mum said I’m welcome to stay or if I had something to do, I can leave Rose as well. Then Rose rushed back, almost bumping into me. She stopped to give me a hug then said “Bye Mum!”

So I left her there, knowing pretty well what the kids are likely to do and have for the party. I remember one parent telling me (on another birthday party) during pick up, saying “He’s had fun and is all sugared up.” It was in one of the birthday parties that Max went to. It makes me think that’s the recipe for success: lots of playtime and plenty of sweets!

When my kids were younger, I remember them looking for toys at a house with no kids. I think they assumed that even if you’re an adult, you’d still have toys lying around the house.

I find myself amazed with how my children find it to be a natural thing to be able to play with other kids. (That’s because I’m terribly shy as a kid!) At the playground, they end up talking to and playing with other kids who they just met. While observing them, it’s as if they know each other from school. Funny though that Max wouldn’t initially bother with asking their names. So when asked, he’d just give a shrug and say that he doesn’t know who he was playing with. As he got older though, he’s learned to ask for the name at least. Sometimes, he’d find out which school or club they go to. Rose is the same.

Since my children started going to Primary school, our lives completely changed and our calendar is now in sync with the school calendar. Like other families, we book our family holidays during school holidays. I rely on school holiday programs where they offer free or discounted activities for families with children. It's normal to see fathers or grandparents (not just mothers) to be pushing a pram, or walking the kids around the neighbourhood, and to the park. There are events and venues that are especially catered for families with kids, especially during the school holidays. Or maybe it’s coz I’m always on a lookout for events/ places where I can bring the kids.

My kids (now aged 7 and 9) also understand the concept of gay relationships. They would ask me with the curiosity and innocence of a child. I simply replied matter-of-fact that it happens and it's ok. I was asked by Rose one day if a man can marry another man, same with a woman. I said yes, but that's only in New Zealand. Then she said (in a matter-of-fact tone) that her classmate's Mom is married to another woman. 

As the kids grow, I do pick up useful insights and practical tips from fellow parents, especially from my colleagues whose kids are much older. We do take the opportunity for the kids to have access to a variety of things to help expand their skills and experience. It’s great to see the kids enjoying themselves being kids, being aware of the rich diversity around them. I’m hoping they’d carry on with their endless imaginative play, their yearning for outdoor play, be immersed with books, making comic strips or writing stories. Everyday is always an adventure with them.